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bestofcardsagainsthumanity:

I imagine that this excuse would be valid for 99% of my missed homework assignments. 

bestofcardsagainsthumanity:

I imagine that this excuse would be valid for 99% of my missed homework assignments. 




panic-at-the-discount-store:

I show affection for my pets by holding them against me and whispering I love you repeatedly as they struggle to escape from my arms




  • me about to talk in public: *rehearses what im going to say 50 times in my brain*
  • me: today how you are



bratprinces:

less romantic love more Romantic love, come grave robbing with me in a thunderstorm. 




“We’re adults, but, like…adult cats. Someone should probably take care of us, but we can sort of make it on our own.” — my roommate, on the question “are we adults” (via disjunct)




sobersexting:

being an adult sucks cause when people ask you to hang out you cant be like “my mom said no” you just have to change your name and move away